Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up Paperback – March 16, 2006

Title is misgiving. If you Believe in The Bible, this is not the book for you. I really liked the title being 77, but as I read deeper into it I realized this was not my way of thinking. It might be for others but not for me. Read what Junigian Analyst believe before you buy this book. If you are comfortable with these views and thoughts, for you it will be a interesting read.

This is an excellent book! You can read the other reviews to see why. I'm going to discuss two criticisms of this 5 star book. If you are looking for a proof that you have an unconscious that is also equivalent to a soul which is linked to God, you won't find it. I'm not sure that you will find that in any book. Evolution theory stipulates that evolution has no goal, no plan, so humans are not destined to raise their consciousness. Synchronicity (S) is an opposite Jungian concept. There is a goal called individuation which is helped by S's. Jung has developed more than one notion of S, and there are several books which attempt to explain it. Hollis mentions S, briefly on page 253,"We have mastered the language of the outer world through physics and chemistry, but the principle of synchronicity acknowledges that there is an inner world of causality as well."The word "acausal" means _not_ having a chain of cause and effect events unfolding in physical reality; it's the opposite of causal.Here are some of Jung's definitions which I don't see as including the Hollis interpretation which is tantamount to describing a miracle manifested by the will of God (constellated through the archetypes) is a causal agency and/or process. I think that "meaning" is not considered by most writers to be causally ordered. Here are various Jung descriptions,"Synchronicity: An Acausal Connecting Principle; "temporally coincident occurrences of acausal events." Jung variously describes an "acausal connecting (togetherness) principle", "meaningful coincidence" and "acausal parallelism"So it seems to me the Hollis description employs a peculiar emphasis. A skeptical agnostic will not find resolution or solace in Jungian theory as being true to reality. But the tools seem to work, at least so far.I became conscious that I had projected my anima on a real woman. Depth psychology recommends approaches to this dilemma. One of the methods is active imagination, or entering into a dialog with my inner, archetypal anima. I had this dream in which I was notified that two missing emails (I'm a retired computer tech) had been discovered. I remembered this dream when I awoke because I don't have any missing emails. Later on I was browsing the Yahoo news and read this article that Amelia Earhart and her pilot -- they think they found remains of where they crashed on some island in the Pacific. So then I read about Amelia, and she is the ideal of what I think my anima should be (I should be so lucky for such a real woman).I thought this event, my search for inner meaning through contact with my anima, and this outer event, discovery of news about Amelia Earhart, who matches what I would like my anima to be like, I thought this could be a coincidence touched by synchronicity. Hollis does a great job of blending in Jungian theory and his actual therapy accounts, which add up to a compelling and intriguing call to explore the Mystery of life. Perhaps the Jungian techniques actually do work and are testable in your own experience.EDIT: I have recalled that the woman I projected my anima upon did have a problem with some missing emails.

This is the third book I read by Hollis, a Jungian psychoanalyst who specialises in the so-called middle passage, psychological true maturity and individuation. Hollis has the virtue to have me to stop and wow quite often, and this book was not different. Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life engaged my head and my soul, spoke to me and my hunger for transcending reality as imposed to me by gender, age, and cultural constrictions.Because Hollis is a former academic with a background in Humanities who became a trained Jungian therapist later on in life, his writing is colourful, literary, sophisticated and very polished. His discourse goes from the mundane to the philosophical and the spiritual, and he does so in depth, without the usual psycho-babble you find elsewhere in pop-psychology these days. If you have a good level of education or self-education, are familiar with Jungian terminology and Jungian approach to the psyche, and love reading books by people who preach by example, this is your book.BREAK WITH EVERYTHINGThis is perhaps Hollis' most confronting book on the subject. On the one hand, in this book Hollis does not provide you with any shortcut, or present a rosy view of anything, especially of your future in you decide to stay right where you are, doing what you do. Hollis debunks romantic love, traditional family, professional success, consumerism, pop ideologies, the many obsessions and addictions of our daily life (the obsession with health, youth and media included), New Age and herd behaviour, and does so without bitterness. His definition of soul as psyche, his emphasis on the power of myths and symbols for the well-being of society and the healthiness of the psyche, his castigation of major religions as not really spiritual, among other pearls, might be controversial.DON'T CRY BABEOn the other hand, Hollis doesn't tell us how to lead our life, how to behave, or how to do things. He tells us that the middle passage will only be successful after going through our suffering and finding out from where it originates, burying our old set of values and ways of being, and giving birth to others that are more in tune with our soul's desire. We have to stop playing the victim, and assign a positive spin to our life dramas and moments of despair.This book is a call to listening to our deep calling, to taking responsibility for our own life, and to moving past our repetitive patterns of behaviour and personal history. Each person has a journey that is personal to them,so there is no cookie cutter to cut the fat, we have to de-construct our false self ourselves.Feeling good or getting comfort is not the aim of the advice in this book, nor is numbing your pain, but the aim of enlarging your life and reaching wholeness. Without the suffering, the non-suffering is taken for granted, so suffering has a function, it allows us to grow up and appreciate things more.According to Hollis, the two major tasks of the grown-up-to-be aren't getting money, position, possessions or medication, they are: 1/ The recovery of personal authority, i.e. to find what is true for us and have the courage to live it in the world. 2/ The discovery of a personal spirituality that resonates with us, that connects with us and is meaningful for us, no matter what other people think, and be willing to stand for what it is true for us. A kind of Braving the Wilderness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone.Everything Hollis wants to say is, "If you do not like your life, change it, but stop blaming others, for even if they did hurt you, you are the one who has been making the choices of adulthood." (lcos. 3210-3211).Ouch!TOUGH LOVEHollis has a great compassion towards human suffering, it is tuned to the needs and troubles that one faces when crisis strike in adulthood, because he has been there himself. However, because he's a depth analyst, he won't tell us what we want to hear in if we have depression, anxiety, desperation, a marital crisis, empty-nest syndrome, a professional crisis, and so on. He tell us what we need to know, so we get something out of our pain through your pain, become ourselves, dare to show our self to the world, and become the individual who our soul always wanted us to be: "often, inexplicably, it is the soul itself that has brought us to that difficult place in order to enlarge us" (loc. 212).PONDER WONDERAlthough this is not a how-to book, Hollis presents us with a considerable number of poignant questions so that we can start the inner dialogue and play psychoanalysts with ourselves. The most important one, to me, is: "If I have done the expected things, according to my best understanding of myself and the world, so why does my life not feel right?” (locs. 453-4). I think this is important because it doesn't focus on the world out there, the image we project of ourselves, our achievements, how successful we are, how many houses, cars or jewels we own, but on how we feel inside.DOWNSIDESAlthough I love this book, there are a few things that I consider improvable or points on which I difer.1/ Tool-less.Hollis is perfectly aware that most people haven't the means, economical or other, to have therapy or psychoanalysis, even if they need it and want to. On the other hand, psychological blocks are usually black points in our eye that we cannot see because they are right in the middle of the eye. That demands the help of a therapist, analyst or coach. I understand that Hollis doesn't want to provide a cookie cutter of an answer for anybody who is suffering from a personal crisis or wants to enlarge their lives, but I would have appreciated he making an effort, because, after all, he is a therapist and has the tools. It is true that the book has some suggestions about questions to ask ourselves to start a inner dialogue, but they cannot be answered if you are blocked, and some of them are too philosophical for the average John and Jane to be answered. Many people will buy this book because they were expecting practical help, but many of them won't have the intellectual holders to grab everything that Hollis throws at us. I hope that his forthcoming book will be more hands down and address the lack of practical advice that some might find in this book.2/ Muddle in the Middle."Second half of life" is an expression that departs from ontological principles that do not reflect who we are as physical and social beings in the 21st century. It presupposes that we have a certain life span on this planet, that half way there we have a crisis, or that most of us have a grow-up spur at around the same age. I have said it before, my grandma died as an elderly lady at 48 years of age, so her middle age was 24 and she was probably in a corner by then having no way to go and unhappy to the core; there are women and men on this planet, right now, still living that way. Nowadays, 50y.o.a. is the new 40, or the new 35, or just 50 depending on one's level of maturity and physical state, and the culture and part of the world we were born or live in. On the other hand, a period that goes from 35 to 90y.o.a is a bit too vast! Or mid-life crisis being mostly between 35-45, well, it is a bit too precise! My grandma probably had hers at 25.3/ Mirage.Hollis says that in the second half of life "We lose friends, our children, our energies, and finally our lives. Who could manage in the face of such seeming defeat?." (locs. 3096-3098). Isn't that a total illusion? The same illusion that generates the obsession with health? There is no guarantee that we aren't going to be killed while young, healthy and beautiful, or that our families and friends will go before we do, or vice versa. In fact, we could be super-fit and super-young and be run over a car when walking on the footpath. We might have to deal with the death of all our family when young, because of sudden illness, accident, murder or suicide.4/ The Brady Bunch.At least in the Western World, traditional family is not about a man and woman marrying and having children. There are straight couples that don't marry, live together, de facto. for decades and decide not to have children even if they biologically could. Some uncoupled individuals have parental instincts have surrogate mothers giving birth to children who they parent and love. There are gay couples who live a very traditional life except for the fact that they are gay. There are men and women who decide not to marry or have children, and join a monastery and form part of a bigger family. Others live in hippy communes. Other singles won't join the monastery, but don't need the need to marry or have children to comply with other people's expectations or be content. The examples are endless. I say this because, asking ourselves what values and ways of being we want to pass on to our children, is a question that is a bit obsolete unless you have a child. Sometimes Hollis speaks as if the only mature way of life was getting married and having children. That is a bit of a delusion,no? Very traditional, no? I actually know many married people with children who have no psychological maturity at all. I am not saying that Hollis is not aware of this, he totally is, I am saying that the book does not reflects that.5/ Tongue Twist.At the beginning of the book Hollis says that the aim of the book is to present things in a language that most people can understand. However, many times I thought that a 'commoner' would find difficult getting through the book because of the vocabulary, and the high degree of symbolism and/or abstraction he uses. This might be a complicated book for many. I think this is especially the case in the chapter on spirituality and when he speaks about myth and symbolism. His meditations, so to speak, are beautifully written, but very elitist.5/ The pain of the pen.When one has remedial massage one learns that we get rid of the pain through the pain, as the treatment inflicts pain on the body. So, in a way, going through our suffering, as mentioned by Hollis here, is a bit like that. However his insistence on the suffering, his exaltation of the suffering, sounds a bit masochist at times. I am not saying that there isn't truth in what Hollis says, because I've experienced that to be true for me, but, hey, he insists too much on accepting the suffering and going through it as only alternative to find meaning and I am not sure that is always the case. Some people won't be able to do that, and will collapse and fail. We cannot condemn them for not being able to suffer or for not having the courage to go through it or getting meaning out of their suffering.6/ Spirited away.Hollis' insistence o spirituality starts very well, it is very open and I agree with what he says. But the more the book advances the more fixated Hollis becomes with spirituality and the more he gives, unwillingly, an aura of religiosity. To Hollis there is not growing up without spirituality. To me, that is a statement true for him and for many other people. There are ways of getting meaning out of life that aren't based on spirituality. Non-nihilist atheists I personally know find meaning in knowing that our transience demands living the moment, being fully present, making the most of our time, leading an ethical life for the sake of it, and leaving their offspring, if any, a good legacy. I also know deeply spiritual people whose lives are full of giving meaning to their suffering and they haven't grown much inside and are still psychologically immature.A QUESTIONIndividuation is a personal individual thing, so things that constrict an individual won't constrict another, and things that helps to expand a person won't help another. Culture, family history, life circumstances are all impositions on the soul. So, my question is, is individuation easier or more difficult to achieve by members of a given culture, religion or linguistic background than ohers? Does a culture creates more neurosis than another?IN SHORTThis is a beautiful written book, lyric at times, quite hard at others that loves you toughly but also tenderly, and it shows us a way that is not what we might be looking for but it might be our best shot at growing up. The book will certainly satisfy those who love Jungian analysis and ways of looking at the inner and outer world that aren't simplistic, ways of looking at the world that allow for our individuality to be recognised, developed and expanded.One gets to feel how being a Jungian Therapist is what Hollis was meant to be, because his book oozes passion for his profession, and for the wonders that Depth Psychology can do for anyone, not just if we are in crisis. He sees the Jungian therapist as a mediator with your soul and the self, and that is a wonderful way to put it. There is a lot of soul in this book.Having said that, this book might not be useful or satisfying to you if:> You are a convinced nihilist. > You are very religious in a traditional way. > You are looking for a New Age book. > You need a book simply written with everyday vocabulary. > You are looking for a set of rules, step by step DIY system to solve your personal crisis. > You need somebody to tell you how to solve your problems and how to get out of your misery. > You are looking for something that is useful, but not that deep or complicated. > You aren't interested on Jungian depth Psychology and want a behavioural approach.THE KINDLE EDITIONGreat edition! I love when I get a book on Kindle, and I find it to be typo free, properly organised, notes properly linked back and forth, and everything as it should be and as it is in a hard-copy. That demands from the editors caring about us customers, and I really appreciate it!

I'm a 42 year old male who has suffered from anxiety and depression in the past. I have all the things that should make me happy -- success, money, comforts -- but instead I have battled with myself in my head, causing a lot of suffering, and without a larger meaning/purpose, I fell into deep depressions, questioning what the purpose of living is. When I read this book, within the first chapter I felt like I finally met someone who understood what I was going through. Once I understood *what* parts of me were battling inside of my head, I was able to move out of my depression, and can say that I'm in a good place now. If you're in a similar place, give this book a shot. If it speaks to you, it could help you find the answers you are looking for.