The Needs of the Dying: A Guide for Bringing Hope, Comfort, and Love to Life's Final Chapter – A Gentle and Honest Approach to Caregiving and Supporting Families with Peace

I greatly value having read David Kessler’s The Needs of the Dying, especially interesting right after reading Kathleen Dowling Singh’s The Grace in Dying. While affirming many of the same principles, they are in some ways 180 degrees different in approach. Whereas Singh views the process of dying as detaching oneself from the isolation of mental ego, Kessler affirms its celebration as a person’s unique presence in this life, carried on into the next. Both authors share the certainty that birth was not our beginning and death is not our ending. Kessler’s book is much more accessible reading, useful as a guidebook for anyone, since we all share the dying experience: that of family, friends, patients, and ultimately, ourselves. He organizes it along a list of 16 needs, originally published as rights, beginning with the need to be acknowledged as fully living through the moment of death, to be allowed to maintain hope of any kind and be surrounded and cared for by people who will share or support that hope. Hope may change in time from cure, longer life, beating death, to determining the environment, companionship, or time of ones death. It is a person’s right and need to hold and be supported in their own hope. Kessler provides an excellent section on allowing children to experience death as a normal, special part of life, how to truthfully prepare them, how to follow their progressive cues as to what information they can absorb. Just as he asserts that no one should have to die alone, he believes that children should not be barred from being with their dying family member, a deep felt memory from his own experience with his mother’s death. He describes the physical processes of death, as well as practical details following death, to give the dying and their companions knowledge with which to be able to plan their time together, in the manner they want, both before and after death. This book is helpful for my own understanding and experience, as well as for sharing with others. I look forward to reading On Grief and Grieving and Life Lessons, coauthored with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, and Kessler’s own Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms.

I have experienced multiple major losses of loved ones, and most recently my husband of over 20 years. Like most people, I never learned coping skills to handle grief in the past and just stuffed it down. Now for the first time in my life I am gaining insights and comforting tools for how to process painful loss and grief. I am also anticipating the loss of a parent with declining health. The wisdom in this book in particular, and the message to the dying, are absolutely beautiful. Kessler's books and online grief community are helping me tremendously through all of this. I honestly don't think I would be functioning at all if I hadn't discovered David and his extremely important work.

The content of the book is excellent. If you are interested in exploring end of life issues I highly recommend this book. Sadly this edition is poorly constructed - I sent one back because the pages were falling out of the binding, they sent me a different copy and the pages of this one are falling out of the binding. Maybe find a different edition - or don’t get the paper back

For anyone who works with or supports people at end of life, this is a really good help! David Kessler has spent decades working with the dying and was a good friend and colleague of Elizabeth Kubler Ross. His experience, wisdom and teaching about supporting someone at end of life is invaluable. Some of this book is stories, some of it more practical, and both helpful. It also has a chapter on helping children through this sacred but often difficult times.

This book thankfully arrived the week before my Mother died of fast moving Adult Leukemia (AML). She made the decision to enter hospice and was gone within a week. This book was a true godsend to me as the caregiver, for navigating the emotional minefield that accompanies home hospice care. Focusing on the emotional needs of the dying, it helps the living understand what is happening. It helps the caregiver meet the emotional needs of both the person being cared for and themselves. If you only read one book when a loved one makes the decision to do hospice, then read this one. Other books focus on the nuts and bolts of 'doing' i.e. how to get the best care, how to handle the paperwork, etc. This book focuses on 'feeling', on handling the emotions of those facing death and dying. You'll need it. Order it first as it will really, really help.

When our friends or family members are dying, it's natural to want to help but often we don't know what to say or do. I suppose it may sound counterintuitive to believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give to someone who is moving toward the end of their life is the gift of hope. But what is there to hope for? "The Needs of the Dying" addresses this question as well as suggesting ways that we can not only bring hope but comfort and love to those in our care. I've found this book to be a great resource for friends and caregivers and also professionals such as nurses and hospice staff and volunteers. Everyone we know will die someday and rather than stand around feeling helpless and wringing our hands, why not commit to becoming an understanding companion who can bring light into someone's remaining days?

This is a wonderful book for anyone having to deal with the death of a loved one. The book talks about the steps in dying, the dying process with disease, what to expect, and more. It talks about maintaining dignity for a dying person and what their needs may be. Not only does the book describe the physical, but the emotional and spiritual sides of dying as well. I found it very helpful as my mother went through the dying process. It helped me to be able to recognize the stages and things to look for. The book helped me feel more informed and took away some of the unknown.

If you wonder what to say to someone who is dying . . . If you wonder what to do for someone who is dying . . . If a friend is close to someone who is dying, and you wonder how to help . . . If you are dying, and wonder how to handle it . . . If you think you might one day be in one of these situations . . . This book is essential reading. I came looking for Jane Brady's new book "Guide to the Great Beyond", and Amazon pointed out that I might be interested in this one, too. I bought and read them both -- and so should you. As advertised on their covers, Brody's is the "practical primer", Kessler brings a "guide for bringing hope." Brody has the how-to, what-to, Kessler has wisdom and heart. If you can only get one, this is it - without wisdom and heart, what else matters?

Amazing work.

Excellent Book.

Several pages were not glued to the binding & just fell out

Use this for my death and Doula dying bereavement class for Douglas College in British Columbia. Amazing Reed great insight from amazing professional professionals in this book. Highly recommend.

This book helped me out a lot, gave me lots of useful information. I don't know how I would have gotten through the difficult time of loosing my best friend to breast cancer! I recommend it to anyone with a terminal illness or who knows someone facing death.