Girlhood

by Bruce Owens GrimmPublished here: https://lit.newcity.com/2021/04/08/celestial-hearts-a-review-of-melissa-febos-girlhood%e2%80%a8/Trilogies are traditionally reserved for fiction or movies. But Melissa Febos is here to disrupt the traditional with her essay collection, “Girlhood.” Febos builds off the worlds she created in two previous books, “Whip Smart” and “Abandon Me,” with eight essays that are a phenomenal, beautiful mix of investigation and lyricism to delve into the trauma and wonders of being a woman. The continuation of threads from her earlier books is extraordinary, not only in terms of craft, but because it shows the complexity of life, how one event or relationship can influence others, and how the unrelenting grip of the patriarchy affects us all.As Febos says in “Thank You for Taking Care of Yourself,” after she is triggered at a cuddle party, “Patriarchy is the house in which we all live. It possesses all of Western culture and industry and has for centuries.” This passage appears a few essays after “The Mirror Test,” in which the author discusses Heinrich Kramer’s 1487 treatise “Malleus Maleficarum,” which called for “the arrest and torture” of women considered to be witches. Women “who had reputations for being independent or free with their views or disagreed with him [Kramer] publicly” were the women he wanted silenced by calling them witches and the government aided this by passing “a bill that allowed men to prosecute witches as heretics.” Women getting harassed or abused on social media, in politics, on the street, in their own homes, and often killed for simply being a woman are prime examples of how the patriarchy continues to possess us. Febos, who masterfully weaves the patriarchy’s current and historical influence throughout the book, enhances the emotional impact of the theoretical and historical by showing how they ripple through the real-life stories of women she interviews for her essays.Her own story is present, too, which provides the connective tissue throughout her trilogy. Febos’ relationship with Donika is a highlight of the book, because here we have a queer relationship that is loving, tender and supportive. The writing doesn’t center this relationship, but for queer readers like me, it’s an image we don’t see represented enough in any art form, so its inclusion is a joyous moment. It also connects “Girlhood” to Febos’ last book, “Abandon Me,” which is, in part, about her unhealthy relationship with a previous partner, by showing us how she, and her intimate relationships, have evolved.Reading her earlier two books is not required to have a meaningful experience. Like all great art, “Girlhood” stands on its own as we get a full picture of Febos’ journey in finding her own value in a world that actively prevents women and other marginalized folx from doing so. Febos shows us, the women and queers who long to do the same, that it can be a difficult journey, but not an impossible one.

I found Melissa Febos’ essays to also be creative accounts of what it’s like to grow up as a teen girl and young woman in America. The data she collected from surveys was interesting but a bit tiring to read at times even though overall I loved her writing style and voice. She kept hitting those “yes“ thoughts when describing the very intimate experiences we have as girls coming of age and our secret thoughts about why we do what we do. She did an excellent job of unraveling the fibers of patriarchy for a close inspection and I enjoyed reading about her experience of wading through it all to find her self.

Really great for a book club because it will leave you with a lot to think about!

I really loved this books look into what we experience and what we can go through experiencing puberty and things. I resonated with a lot of what the author wrote and definitely this has been a book that hits so close to home it makes it hard to hold but I kept going because being seen through another’s writing means I’m less alone.

I devoured GIRLHOOD as soon as it came out. And then I promptly devoured it again, days later. As has been said in countless other reviews, I also believe wholeheartedly that GIRLHOOD should be required reading for all—and I wish it had been available during my girlhood. This book is brilliant for so many reasons: the relevant, significant issues Melissa addresses, the soul-searching questions she asks, the critical, defining darknesses she enters, taking us with her. With beautiful, soul-shaking writing and raw, gorgeous honesty, she's created a stunning collection of essays, simultaneously personal and universal. This life-changing masterpiece is entirely comprised of wisdom for us all to absorb, reread, and continuously ponder—to come to our own understandings of what girlhood means, and how are we are subsequently shaped by the events that transpire during these formative years--and beyond.

a catalyst to help welcome the things we didn't even know were unwelcome for so long

LOVED THIS!While I agree with some reviews that it was a bit disjointed and sometimes didn’t seem to have a logical structure, it all gets there by the end, don’t give up! But I loved the content so much I couldn’t put it down and finished it less than 24 hours after it arrived. She put words to so many feelings I felt but could never adequately describe. Really gave power to the fact that “knowing is not enough,” and now it’s time to put in the hard work of doing. Of learning what our boundaries are and sticking by them. Of knowing when your yes is really a yes.

Really wanted this book to help me. It is very good at laying out a problem and explaining how we got here, but not how to get out. Especially liked the essay 'Thank you for taking care of yourself". Well written, entertaining, maybe not so much educational or motivational

Unfortunately, the product arrived damaged (dirty cover with bumped corners). Considering that the item was advertised as new, this is disappointing.