Relationship OCD: A CBT-Based Guide to Move Beyond Obsessive Doubt, Anxiety, and Fear of Commitment in Romantic Relationships

A validating and insightful guide for anyone struggling with ROCD. The book blends compassion with practical, evidence-based strategies—especially helpful for normalising doubt and breaking the reassurance cycle. A must-read for both clients and therapists.

This is a beautiful and much needed piece of OCD literature. I really enjoyed the authors' insights on relationship OCD (ROCD), writing style, self disclosure and vulnerability about her own OCD struggles, and compassion for the OCD sufferer. Her passion for the healing process for relationship OCD shines through and there are a lot of practical tools laid out clearly for the healing work in living a life aligned with our values that's no longer overtaken by OCD.

This book is fantastic. I have never loved psychology labels like OCD, I think they pigeonhole people. The most important thing to glean from the whole of psychology is not the labels like OCD or PTSD, but rather the amazing tools like CBT, ACT, ERP, and compassion. All psychologists use these same tools to help people cope with life. Sheva did an amazing job of describing what an overactive amygdala does and how to use the above tools to cope with it effectively. She does this specifically in the context of love in relationships but the tools presented are applicable to all anxiety.My favorite analogy from the book was the lighthouse analogy and that anxious brains are always scanning for “something” to get us flustered and focused on.

This is an excellent book in many ways, with one major shortcoming. The book does a great job explaining ROCD and helping readers develop the skills people to fight it. But as a clinician (who has experienced ROCD themselves), I wouldn't recommend this book to a client. Why? The only way to beat OCD - of any kind - is to learn to reject the need for absolute certainty. This book feeds certainty-seeking by reassuring its readers that, if they're reading the book, their relationship is probably a good one that's worth staying in (e.g., "it's unlikely that a bad relationship... would trigger ROCD"). The thing is, the presence or absence of ROCD doesn't necessarily mean anything about the quality of a relationship. People with ROCD are often preoccupied with questions like "is this the 'right' relationship for me?" and "should I stay or leave?" Getting reassurance may feel good, but it's not going to help a reader beat OCD in the long-run. If you can go into this book with this in mind, and take those messages with a grain of salt, then I think there is still a lot to learn here.

My therapist recommended this book when she first diagnosed me with ROCD. I felt so seen and not alone from the moment I opened it. The exercises (particularly the Thought Log) are practical steps to dealing with ROCD -- one step at a time, one day at a time. This book is wonderfully written and a great guide. For months I kept it on me so I could reference it. It doesn't have all the answers -- no one does -- but it's truly worth reading to remind you that you are not alone and that your love and your relationship is a choice that you have the power to make every single day. Even if you are not struggling with ROCD, this book can serve as a great source of relationship wisdom and compassion.

Great book with great and accurate information. Also not too long that it takes forever to read. Really well put together. Couldn't recommend enough for any gender struggling with OCD in their relationship

I struggle with ROCD and after a long period of not having it, I found someone who I love deeply and it hit more than ever before. I decided to go to therapy again and also read this book to get some insight on what I’m going through and it not only gave me some hope about my relationship, but gave me a different outlook on life and the people you choose to let inside of it. Thank you Sheba for your beautiful insight on things. I will work as hard as I can to get through this for me and my partner.

This book takes a stepwise approach to living with ROCD. It’s not about solving or curing anything. It’s about learning how to reframe your thoughts. How to live with uncertainty, and actually accept the advantages to uncertainty.It’s a practical look at the work needed to deal with ROCD. It promises no easy fix, and no cure. Just how to live with ROCD and accept it as a part of your life that you have a great ability to control.This book is well written. It builds on itself chapter by chapter.I found so many instances where I related to the stories and learned about myself. I also learned that I’m not alone. Many struggle with these same thoughts.I’ve asked my wife to read this too, in hopes of her understanding some of my behaviors.I plan on starting to reread it to implement the ideas and worksheets throughout the book.With so many self help books out there, this one has already brought me some understanding and peace. I highly recommend it.